About Time
by DistinctVagueness
Summary: PostHBP oneshot. RLNT. In the aftermath, all she could think of was a certain werewolf...


**_HUGE SPOILERS FOR HALF-BLOOD PRINCE CONTAINED HERE. IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED OR EVEN STARTED READING, DO NOT READ ON. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED._**

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_**Anti-litigation Charm:** I do not own anything here and would like it if you didn't sue me. I finished the Half-Blood Prince a little while ago (well, on the day it was released, really) and was delighted to see a new pairing to spring up in canon. Whilst not my favourite pairing, I like to explore it. Reviews much appreciated._

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**About Time**

The pale fingers of the hand contrasted sharply with the dark countertop they were pressed against. Tonks stared tersely into the kitchen sink, her breathing quiet and focused.

Was she being horribly selfish? Obsessing over such…personal issues when the Wizarding world seemed to be falling down around them? Only a day had passed since the funeral of Albus Dumbledore. Yet all she could think of was a certain werewolf.

She had not been able to suppress her hurt and frustration that night, as they had assembled around the bed of Bill Weasley. It had all seemed so _unfair_ somehow, watching Fleur declare her ongoing love for him, not afraid to shove aside anyone's doubts about the relationship.  
Seeing Remus there, looking completely defeated by the news of the death and knowing, _knowing _that she would do anything to carry even just a little of that despair for him, the words just erupted from her mouth.

Tonks didn't really regret them. It had done some good for Remus to finally have to acknowledge his conflict in the open, rather than shrinking into himself and trying to avoid her on Order duty.

When had she started to fall for him? It wasn't a particularly hard question, she supposed. Some time after her cousin, Sirius Black had died in the chaos at the Ministry, Tonks, convincing herself that she was composed and even stronger, had entered Order headquarters. Grimmauld Place had been silent and daunting as always, and with some trepidation she had entered the living room.

Remus Lupin had been sitting inside and the look in his eyes as the dark, but not yet mousy, haired witch, gave the impression that he had been caught out. Tonks instantly felt a stab of sympathy and hoped she hadn't intruded. Stepping forward and opening her mouth, she managed to trip over a lump in the carpet and flew forwards, shrieking and cursing at the same time. Miraculously, or perhaps due to very quick reflexes, Remus reached her easily. She fell hard against his chest and he gently set her back on her feet. About to make a light joke about her now-famous clumsiness, Remus was startled to see the young woman's eyes fill tears.

"I'm sorry, Remus, sorry, I…" She released her shoulders from his arms and began to turn away. "Horrible of me, disturbing you like this…"

As Tonks began to back away, he caught her elbow, his past thoughts temporarily forgotten.

"Why are you crying?"

"What?" Tonks wiped a hand across one of her eyes and gave a tearful laugh. "Oh, I am. Look at me, crying about almost falling. How silly."

"You've never cried about this…tendency of yours before," said Remus, studying her carefully. "What's really on your mind?"

It was her turn to look startled, and a little wary. "Nothing important…"

"Nymphadora… it's obvious you've not been yourself lately. If you still need time to recover, the Order will be here when you are ready to come back."

"What?" Tonks looked horrified. "No, I have to be part of this. I won't..."

"You're still blaming yourself over Sirius, aren't you?"

Her eyes cast downwards. "No…well, not exactly…" She sighed and shook her head. "I'm a horrible, selfish person…you shouldn't worry about whether I'm okay."

"Selfish? How can you think you're-"

"Selfish? Easily." Tonks gave a humourless chuckle. "Look at me. I've been staying at home whilst you and the rest of the Order are becoming stronger and continuing to defend Harry. Do you know why I didn't show up for dinner the other week when Mrs Weasley invited me? Because I'm scared."

"Of Mrs Weasley's cooking?"

Tonks didn't know whether to laugh or cry at that.

"I'm scared of not winning. This past year I've been so confident, so naïve. I'd built the Order up to be this source of incredible power. In my mind, it would be easy to defeat Voldemort and his followers. Some of the people I've met here are the strongest people I've ever known. Do you know who I thought they'd never topple?"

"Sirius," Remus murmured. Funny. He'd been thinking along the same lines that evening.

Tonks looked taken aback. "Yes, Sirius. I'd heard tales of him at school…being in trouble just five minutes before he was impressing a teacher again in class, never getting caught in his Animagus form…getting himself out of Azkaban…evading the Ministry for so long…I could just see him at the end, receiving honours from the Ministry as they finally recognised his innocence." She glanced at Remus sorrowfully. "The Veil wasn't something I ever considered for him."

"I don't think anyone could have foreseen that."

"I'm afraid because…how can I ever measure up to that? My strength is _nothing_ compared what he had. I won't last two minutes once this war begins in earnest. What good am I to the Order?"

Remus studied her. "What good are you to the Order?" He shook his head looking surprised. "Nymphadora, there is no-one here who does not appreciate your presence. Well, I suspect Molly wishes you'd stop tripping over everything in sight, but apart from that, you are an extremely valuable asset to us. You're smart, quick and bloody scary when armed with a wand. As all powerful witches are."

"Powerful?" repeated Tonks. She laughed. "You want to see some of the other female Aurors before you start saying that about me."

"No," Remus said firmly. "I'm saying it about you. Of course, you're afraid…even if they haven't admitted it, everyone else is too. You'd be a fool not to be. But…you mustn't let it control you. The second that fear bullies you into doubting yourself and your abilities, you must force yourself to stand up and, well, go back to work."

Tonks sniffed a little and he gave her a kind smile, wiping away another large tear with gentle fingers.

"Come here," was all he said, before enveloping her with warm arms.

She could have gasped upon such close contact, though it wasn't from having little experience of being close to a man before. There was such an immense feeling of…being home that radiated through her; she couldn't help stopping to acknowledge it.

-----

From then on, being close to Remus had only sparked off the same feelings. It hadn't taken long for her to realise that they were deepening, but it took Mrs Weasley's sharp eyes to make her admit it to another person.

With some gentle prodding from Molly, she'd finally got up the courage to try and get Remus to notice her. She positioned herself close to him at meetings and engaged him in long conversations afterwards. He hadn't seemed to notice her growing attachment. Tonks had gotten quite frustrated, before, one afternoon, she overheard a conversation between Molly and Remus.

"Do you want the carrots, Molly?"

"Ah…yes, thank you." There were footsteps and a rustling noise. There followed the sound of a knife chopping through carrots, presumably.

"You seemed to be getting on very well with Nymphadora last night."

Tonks cringed. _Must _they use that dreadful name all the time?

"I did?"

Molly Weasley murmured in the affirmative.

For the next few moments, silence reigned in the kitchen.

"She's an interesting witch," said Remus, suddenly, breaking the silence.

_Interesting?_ thought Tonks. What did 'interesting' mean? Interesting as in a strange vegetable on your plate that you poked suspiciously with your fork, or interesting as in you were intrigued, and wanted to know more. She hoped it was the latter.

"Interesting, hm?"

"Molly…don't look at me like that."

"Why on earth not?"

"Because…because…I know what you're thinking…"

"Then I was right!" Molly Weasley announced triumphantly. Tonks could almost see that that maternal grin. "Why are you blushing? You're a grown man, Remus. I'm sure she would be flattered by your attentions."

"Molly. Please stop joking. It's my fault really, I just let my thoughts wander…Gods, she must've hated the way I've been around her lately…more than ten years older than her…and let's not forget the way I look. Who wants a werewolf fawning after them?"

_Me! I do! _Tonks thought desperately.

Molly tutted. "Nonsense. You're very dashing. And she certainly thinks so."

Her heart caught in her throat, horror-struck. Yes, she wanted to get through to Remus, but…she didn't know how she felt about her affections being expressed so frankly. Tonks's cheeks burned.

For a moment, it seemed that Lupin didn't know what to do with what he'd just heard. Then he sighed. "She's polite. That's all. You just want to see something in this, Molly. Please don't get my hopes up like that. It's ridiculous…besides, even if the impossible were true, and she was interested in me, I couldn't let her. Especially right now, in the war we're facing…I wouldn't want to wake up one day and find that she regretted it all."

"Remus-"

"Please don't bring this up again…"

Something was dropped on the counter and footsteps started towards the door. In a panic, Tonks whirled around for a place to hide. Predictably, her cloak caught on a hook by the door. In her efforts to free herself, the material tore and she flew backwards onto the carpet in surprise.

The door swung open and Tonks instinctively closed her eyes.

"N-Nymphadora."

Tentatively, she opened them.

"Remus…"

He was staring at her and she could again feel her face stained with scarlet. "I'm sorry…"

"No…" He was shaking his head vociferously. "Oh, Gods, no. I'm sorry. You shouldn't have heard that…my fault entirely…I ask you not to think badly of me…"

"What?" The witch stared at him before scrambling to feet. "Oh, no…Remus…Molly wasn't making anything up. I do think you're…well, I mean….I never called you dashing, but I…oh dear, this is a mess…"

"You…"

Tonks bit her lip, casting her eyes to the ground. "I want to know you better…I want…"

Conflict flickered in his eyes and he ran hand through his grey-streaked hair in an edgy fashion. "It's better if I…I'm sorry."

Before she could stop him, he had rushed past her. The door of Grimmauld Place slammed shut and Mrs. Black began screaming furiously from her frame.

Tonks sank back onto the carpet. "He hates me," she said quietly.

"Oh no, dear." Molly came out of the kitchen, looking sympathetic. "Quite the opposite, I believe. And to him, that's not something he can easily accept." She knelt down to give the younger witch a warm hug. "Just give him time. That's what he needs. Men often do to get some of those silly ideas out of their heads."

Tonks gave a tear-hindered laugh.

---

And now she was here. In the silence and darkness of the Black family home, feeling once again like an intruder. The whole situation had gone on and on. Remus had become jumpy and agitated around her. More than once she had caught a pained look shot her way and wished more than anything, he would let all of his doubts and worries go, and just give her a chance. A chance was all she needed.

Lifting her hands, she delved into one of her pockets and pulled out a tissue. Blowing her nose noisily and wiping away any residue of her tears, she wondered if perhaps it was time to let it go. Maybe it was wrong to pursue personal happiness in the midst of mass despair. If she survived…if _they_ survived, she could give it another shot.

"I'm sorry."

Dropping the tissue in shock, Tonks whirled around and gasped, a hand clasped to her chest.

Remus saw the red rimming her eyes and felt a deep pang of regret. He'd hoped for a while that his avoidance had caused her to move on. To better things; he knew she deserved them. He was becoming older and dried up, and not to mention was a dangerous person to be around at the wrong time. But for all her silence and eventual disappearance from his side, her true feelings had presented themselves that night in the Hogwarts Infirmary. It had been horrible, the guilty feeling he'd experienced in return. He'd finally taken in how much she had changed. Mousy, drooping hair, greyness around her eyes and a pale expression.

And though that saddened him immensely, losing sight of the vibrant and impulsive witch she was; she had suddenly looked more beautiful in his eyes. No-one had ever shown him such lingering devotion and longing before. It was almost a raw need in her voice as she'd begged him to forget it all and be with her, if just for a minute.

"I could hurt you," he said, his voice wavering.

"I know," was her soft answer. Her eyes were wide, innocent almost, like a child. In perfect synchronicity, they took a step towards each other.

"I'm so much older than you."

"I know," she repeated. Another step.

"We might not survive this."

"I know." This time it was her turn to move. In the pale moonlight, he could see her shaking. His weathered hand came up to touch her face. He caressed her cheek gently and she leaned into it, eyes closing. Remus swallowed.

"Nymphadora-"

"_Please _stop calling me that."

"I can't keep calling you Tonks…not if we…not…"

"Then call me whatever you want. Anything. I'll be whoever you want me to be."

Remus swallowed again. The earnest look in her eyes had turned to something else…as if she was thirsting for something…

"What's wrong?"

"The way you look at me…"

Tonks decided to overcome her fears. "Does it make you nervous?" She allowed a teasing lilt to enter her tone.

To her delight, something of a boyish grin appeared on his face, casting the years away. "I know what you're trying to do, you little nymph…"

She breathed in sharply. "Call me that again."

He frowned in confusion for a second. "Nymph?"

His reply was the feel of her mouth grazing against his own. "Remus…" she murmured.

His given name on her lips was suddenly an aphrodisiac. His head blissfully cleared, if only for a moment, of any doubts, he leaned down and touched her lips again. It didn't take much contact for a spark to ignite and hardly any time passed before the kiss intensified and he tenderly explored her face with his hands.

Tonks shivered as one hand threaded through her hair and brushed the sensitive skin of her neck.

Pulling him even closer, she whispered against their mingled breaths;

"It's about time, you silly man."

-----

_**DistinctVagueness **_


End file.
